Bowlful of Ass
In keeping with my latest theme of trying to add to the common vernacular, I'm throwing out my favorite phrase for feeling sick--"I feel like a bowlful of ass". Which is appropriate, since I've been sick for the last three days, first real cold of the season. I hate that first day when you're not really sick, but you feel it in the back of your throat, and you just KNOW that tomorrow you're going to wake up with a cold. That was yesterday, and it sucked, and although today is a bit better (throat no longer sore, just stuffed up and headachey), I still feel like a small bowlful of ass. If yesterday was a big soup bowl, today is like a little cereal bowl.
What a repugnant phrase, you might say. Well, good. That was the point. This one harks back to college (like most of my favorite stupid phrases). I honestly can't remember who first said it. I won't take credit for it necessarily, could have easily been Mario or Steve or John or someone. And I think it started with hangovers, waking up the next day feeling like the floor (covered in beer and smelling like crap). And like everything in college, we overused the phrase and came up with all sorts of variations. Sort of our own Saffir-Simpson scale of rating how crappy we felt--an average hangover or a cold would be a "bowlful of ass", but the worse you felt, the larger the body of water would get. Next up was a bucket, then I think we jumped to Lake Lagunita (the little pond on campus), and from there it was on to the Great Lakes (we could never agree on whether Erie or Ontario was bigger, but we definitely used Huron and Superior a lot), and big parties would leave us feeling like an "Atlantic Ocean of ass", or the granddaddy of them all, the "Pacific Ocean of ass". Used that one a lot during senior year.
As we grew older, it was less for hangovers and more for just being sick. I just think it accurately expresses how truly crappy one can feel. My wife's not so crazy about the phrase, makes her make that "you're such a disgusting BOY" face, but what can I do? I'm just repeating what I was taught.
What a repugnant phrase, you might say. Well, good. That was the point. This one harks back to college (like most of my favorite stupid phrases). I honestly can't remember who first said it. I won't take credit for it necessarily, could have easily been Mario or Steve or John or someone. And I think it started with hangovers, waking up the next day feeling like the floor (covered in beer and smelling like crap). And like everything in college, we overused the phrase and came up with all sorts of variations. Sort of our own Saffir-Simpson scale of rating how crappy we felt--an average hangover or a cold would be a "bowlful of ass", but the worse you felt, the larger the body of water would get. Next up was a bucket, then I think we jumped to Lake Lagunita (the little pond on campus), and from there it was on to the Great Lakes (we could never agree on whether Erie or Ontario was bigger, but we definitely used Huron and Superior a lot), and big parties would leave us feeling like an "Atlantic Ocean of ass", or the granddaddy of them all, the "Pacific Ocean of ass". Used that one a lot during senior year.
As we grew older, it was less for hangovers and more for just being sick. I just think it accurately expresses how truly crappy one can feel. My wife's not so crazy about the phrase, makes her make that "you're such a disgusting BOY" face, but what can I do? I'm just repeating what I was taught.
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