Social anxiety - or is it?
I'm going to be bold and throw something out there on the chance someone else might connect. I've been going to a therapy group for social anxiety for a few weeks now. Had a single initial with the therapist, who agreed that it was something I could benefit from, and have had 2 group sessions so far. Very interesting--having a lot of conflicting thoughts about it. I definitely believe I suffer from some of the symptoms--I get intimidated trying to strike up conversations, especially with people I don't know; I try to avoid asking for help, getting on the phone, etc; I had a mini-panic attack at my class reunion last fall, simply at the prospect of talking to all those people; I become very self-conscious when I feel like I'm asked to perform or am being judged. But sitting in group for the last two weeks, I see others with much more severe problems, or at least it seems like it right now, and I wonder if a) I really should be there, and b) do I really want to put myself in this group? I know it sounds terrible, but I sort of feel like I wouldn't want to be thought of in the same way as the others--maybe that's part of the problem, I'm still too worried about what other people think.
But I really do question to some degree the whole approach--the "disease-ifying" (I know it's not a word) of this issue. Yes, I have anxiety in these situations, and overall I would prefer not to. But I don't feel entirely comfortable copping this victim stance, especially when I clearly have overcome the problem in a lot of cases. I wouldn't be in the job I am without having been able to deal with it, and I have friends and a wonderful wife, and all sorts of things that required me to make myself get over it. So maybe I'm just feeling extra weak lately. I know I've been a bit depressed since losing Max, but I think I'm starting to pull out of it and want to start being better, stronger, more grownup.
Sometimes I think that's a huge part of it--I don't feel like a 33 year old man with a successful career. I still feel like that freshman in college who always felt a little bit outside, not part of the crowd I wanted to be in. I mean, how stupid is it to be 33 and feel worried about what teenagers think of me? But that seems like something I should just snap out of, not something I need to spend months analyzing and creating strategies for.
Even posting this was an internal struggle--even though I've chosen to seek therapy for this, and have confided in my boss about it, I hesitated to put it up here because I know a few people I know read this (my mom, my employees). But what the hell? Everybody has problems, even if they haven't acknowledged them yet. I'm trying more and more to just look at this as identifying my weaknesses and attempting what I can to try to correct them. Sort of like taking lessons this winter to get the slice out of my golf swing.
Anyway, it would be really cool if someone else identifies with this and posted a comment or something. I feel like I need some external input on this whole thing, outside this group. I think if I were honest about what I was thinking in there, I'd set a lot of those people back quite a bit.
But I really do question to some degree the whole approach--the "disease-ifying" (I know it's not a word) of this issue. Yes, I have anxiety in these situations, and overall I would prefer not to. But I don't feel entirely comfortable copping this victim stance, especially when I clearly have overcome the problem in a lot of cases. I wouldn't be in the job I am without having been able to deal with it, and I have friends and a wonderful wife, and all sorts of things that required me to make myself get over it. So maybe I'm just feeling extra weak lately. I know I've been a bit depressed since losing Max, but I think I'm starting to pull out of it and want to start being better, stronger, more grownup.
Sometimes I think that's a huge part of it--I don't feel like a 33 year old man with a successful career. I still feel like that freshman in college who always felt a little bit outside, not part of the crowd I wanted to be in. I mean, how stupid is it to be 33 and feel worried about what teenagers think of me? But that seems like something I should just snap out of, not something I need to spend months analyzing and creating strategies for.
Even posting this was an internal struggle--even though I've chosen to seek therapy for this, and have confided in my boss about it, I hesitated to put it up here because I know a few people I know read this (my mom, my employees). But what the hell? Everybody has problems, even if they haven't acknowledged them yet. I'm trying more and more to just look at this as identifying my weaknesses and attempting what I can to try to correct them. Sort of like taking lessons this winter to get the slice out of my golf swing.
Anyway, it would be really cool if someone else identifies with this and posted a comment or something. I feel like I need some external input on this whole thing, outside this group. I think if I were honest about what I was thinking in there, I'd set a lot of those people back quite a bit.
3 Comments:
You should just think that they are all like you: not better, not worse and if they don't like who you are too bad!
You need to think about how many qualities you have and how much you had accomplished and be proud of yourself.
Just think how many people envy what you are and what you have and that should be enough to make you feel like a winner.
I am just that kind of person that goes around and don’t really care about what other people think about me. Most of them are all pathetic any way.
Oh man, I can really sympathize with what you've posted here!! I've read a lot of your blogs and see that you've got a great deal going for you. One thing for certain is you've got an excellent talent with the written word. Don't waste that because it's a true gift. I bury myself in crap daily about how people see me. Caring about what others think of me and my deeds seems to me to be selfish but I've done it all my life and it's one of the things I really I hate about myself. I try to be witty instead to cover my anxiety and most of the time that doesn't work AT ALL.
I didn't know I had this "disorder" until I was well into my 40's and wished someone had told me about it long before then. Like when I was a teenager and suffered through all that fucking crap that goes with just being a teenager. At least you've got a grip on how you feel and that's a great thing. Don't worry. From what I've read your wife will hold your hand through it and tell you how wonderful you are.
Try not to worry about how people at work see you. From what I've read I'm confident that those people respect you a great deal. It's my superiors that scare me the most.
Just breathe, relax, enjoy the crisp fall air and repeat after me.
"Fuck That!!!"
I can understand where you're coming from with this because my wife suffers with this problem. It sounds like you have that "social anxiety" thing. Didn't they used to call that being shy? It's tough out there in the world now. Group therapy is a good thing. We've done it and she goes to a small group alone and it's helped us. Maybe your wife would go with you. In any case keep going until you feel better. You'll be fine. My wife has it and she's doing better with the medication. She's almost a different person in fact. She used to come home EVERY night and rant and rave about the people she works with. She still complains about work though, but I'm beginning to think that her complaints are liget. She said that the younger people she works with are crude and way to free with there mouths and they even call her names from time to time then say they are just joking. They tell her she talks to much and then when she's quiet they say she's a bitch. They make remarks about being old and joke about fat people (she has a weight problem)and just plain come out and call her a bitch sometimes. I feel bad for her but I can't interfere with that. She is NOT A BITCH. She's far from it. A wonderful caring woman who loves her family and her work. She has many, many friends and everyone that knows her respect and love her. She came home today and said her boss called her a bitch!! Can you believe that? How pissed was I to hear that? What would you do if someone did that to your wife? She said she thinks he was joking but she can't be sure. I wanted to go punch the guy in the fucking head but she has to deal with it. I just consoled her and told her he isn't worth getting upset about because assholes like him aren't worth the air they breath.
So, don't worry about what people think of you just take care of yourself and your family. They are all jerk offs out there and the only ones that matter are your family, your real friends, and the ones that really care about you.
Keep taking up your treatments. it WILL get better.
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